I finished my first draft. Go me. Right?

Well, that’s not the way I feel. I feel like I suck. I feel like I spent hours upon hours upon hours of wasting my time. And maybe if I were to quite now that would be true. But I’m no quitter. Not today anyways.

Fine. My first draft really sucked. Sucked donkeys to quote SNL two decades ago. I suppose my consolation is that I recognize my draft is horrible. If I didn’t recognize my draft as being excrement than either I’d be delusional or perhaps a very bad reader. So at least I can say, I’m neither.

But what now? Maybe I can’t write this book. And maybe I have no writing skills. And maybe I really am wasting my time and maybe I really should get a real job like everybody else. But then again, maybe, just maybe I can write this book, it’s just going to take more time than I thought. And maybe first drafts are meant to be excrement, and maybe if I get that real job I’ll never write this book that is crying to be written.

So this is what m going to do. I’m going to take a deep breath and I’m going to think about my protagonist. I’m going to figure her out. Who is she at home? Who is she to her peers? Who is she to her friends? Then I’m going to compare her with the antagonist. How is she different than him? How is she the same? What powers does she have to overcome him? And now I’m going to make an outline for her – how she acts in each relationship in the book. And then when I feel I’m ready, I’ll start writing. And it still might not be good. But I’ll have it down on paper anyways. And this is what I’ll do for every damn character in my book. And once I’m ready I’ll start transferring my outlines into story. And by October 1, 2012 I’ll have a second draft. It might still not be what I’m satisfied with but hopefully it will be much better than my first draft.